i wish i could super like this because it’s so rare to read a male written article with such a solid pov that underlines the real values necessary to attract women, casual or serious, that i completely back (as a woman). i also like that you talk to your fellow man with a mixture of encouragement and also tough love. like ur right! don’t be a pussy. you got this. hot girls are ready for a solid person or to have some fun, it just takes a little trying from all sides
Good post, but strongly disagree that dating markets are efficient - this seems obviously not true. If it were, it seems unlikely that there would be a whole cadre of perfectly good men who just have no luck at all on dating apps. In fact the apps are getting worse, not better; there’s no attempt to match on personality or interests, just vibes. Compare OkCupid of ten years ago swipe dating now.
All the things that make markets inefficient - imperfect information, switching costs, high search costs, negative externalities - are abundantly present in dating markets!
That said, I agree that a lot of guys have terrible profiles for which there is no excuse. But you downplay the difficulty - im glad you got laid a bunch but you basically treated it as a job by the looks of things!
He's also genetically gifted. Tall and handsome. Regardless of any fitness he's worked for, he was already gifted with two very generous traits. A desirable face and a desirable height. These two things are far more important than anything else physically as they are the two traits women look at most closely - especially on apps.
Some great stuff in here! Honesty and practical steps to improve and show up are definitely things I found valuable too.
One thing I don't fully agree with is polarizing on a dating app profile. If we overdo that, our ELO drops too low. The dating app targeting algorithms are just not good enough to show us selectively to the people that fit us. I think it is good to show personality, e.g. the picture reading a book or engaging in various non-fishing hobbies. But something quite controversial I would wait for the messages to polarize on (I suppose your handcuffs are not that controversial in your location).
I would also be cautious about the dating apps as a mirror idea, at least in the interpretation that few matches mean we are super unattractive (which you have not directly said and probably don't believe): The winner takes all effect is super strong on dating apps, much stronger than sourcing leads from social circle or cold approach. Getting few matches does not mean things are hopeless. One photoshoot with a professional dating photographer can turn things around on the apps for many people. Using some AI enhancement e.g. using faceapp is also increasingly standard (even fully AI pictures are increasingly common, but that is getting too inauthentic for my taste). And if the apps do not work, there are other ways to meet women. Low success on the apps means the *profile* is not in the top 10% of attractiveness. It does not say much about the attractiveness of the person, just the profile.
"Example: I was looking for kinky, adventurous, open-minded women, so I had a picture of a pair of leather handcuffs on my profile. That's a really strong filter! "
I've got to wonder how that worked out in the long term. I had...mixed results.
Interesting post but nothing on how to actually select quality women on the apps and validate they’d be worth investing your time in meeting, which is probably the main issue for a lot of men. There’s a lot of trash out there.
Also asking to kiss someone is absolutely dire, there’s scarcely anything else which is going to dry a women up, just read her body language and go for it if appropriate
I think men fear being too polarizing on dating apps because they forget that there are women out there who actually do have the same special (kinky) interests as them. And you are trying to atract them not just everyone with a vagina. Of course there are women who see a pic of handcuffs and think 'huh, never even considered this option but I am curious'. But the majority of the women who swipe right will be either 'I have tried this and I am in to it' or 'I really want to try this'. And all the women who swipe left because of the handcuffs... Well, would you want to have sex with them if they don't like that part of you? I guess being polarizing is a similar concept as saying "no": it tells me you know what you want and have the confidence to ask for it
I can hardly believe my eyes... A post on dating and male-female relationships... And agree with everything here. I'm not even in that game, just an older man. And eventually you figure out how things work. Past mistakes, successes, lessons learned, observations made. This post is just spot on.
i needed this, I'm now weirdly optimistic about life. your mindset here applies to everything, studies, work, social life, family. I need to start being more intential good things dont fall out of the sky.
I appreciate that this doesn’t romanticize dating.
Outside of the tactics the part that stayed with me was the commitment to observation.
It made me wonder whether the next evolution isn’t collecting more dating experience, but becoming more deliberate about what we’re actually observing before deciding to build with someone.
i wish i could super like this because it’s so rare to read a male written article with such a solid pov that underlines the real values necessary to attract women, casual or serious, that i completely back (as a woman). i also like that you talk to your fellow man with a mixture of encouragement and also tough love. like ur right! don’t be a pussy. you got this. hot girls are ready for a solid person or to have some fun, it just takes a little trying from all sides
Good post, but strongly disagree that dating markets are efficient - this seems obviously not true. If it were, it seems unlikely that there would be a whole cadre of perfectly good men who just have no luck at all on dating apps. In fact the apps are getting worse, not better; there’s no attempt to match on personality or interests, just vibes. Compare OkCupid of ten years ago swipe dating now.
All the things that make markets inefficient - imperfect information, switching costs, high search costs, negative externalities - are abundantly present in dating markets!
That said, I agree that a lot of guys have terrible profiles for which there is no excuse. But you downplay the difficulty - im glad you got laid a bunch but you basically treated it as a job by the looks of things!
He's also genetically gifted. Tall and handsome. Regardless of any fitness he's worked for, he was already gifted with two very generous traits. A desirable face and a desirable height. These two things are far more important than anything else physically as they are the two traits women look at most closely - especially on apps.
Why doesn’t this banger of a blog post have more likes and comments?
It’s good but also not easy
Some great stuff in here! Honesty and practical steps to improve and show up are definitely things I found valuable too.
One thing I don't fully agree with is polarizing on a dating app profile. If we overdo that, our ELO drops too low. The dating app targeting algorithms are just not good enough to show us selectively to the people that fit us. I think it is good to show personality, e.g. the picture reading a book or engaging in various non-fishing hobbies. But something quite controversial I would wait for the messages to polarize on (I suppose your handcuffs are not that controversial in your location).
I would also be cautious about the dating apps as a mirror idea, at least in the interpretation that few matches mean we are super unattractive (which you have not directly said and probably don't believe): The winner takes all effect is super strong on dating apps, much stronger than sourcing leads from social circle or cold approach. Getting few matches does not mean things are hopeless. One photoshoot with a professional dating photographer can turn things around on the apps for many people. Using some AI enhancement e.g. using faceapp is also increasingly standard (even fully AI pictures are increasingly common, but that is getting too inauthentic for my taste). And if the apps do not work, there are other ways to meet women. Low success on the apps means the *profile* is not in the top 10% of attractiveness. It does not say much about the attractiveness of the person, just the profile.
"Example: I was looking for kinky, adventurous, open-minded women, so I had a picture of a pair of leather handcuffs on my profile. That's a really strong filter! "
I've got to wonder how that worked out in the long term. I had...mixed results.
Sounds difficult. Nothing you say is that easy. Lol
Thanks. I hate it.
whether people agree with every take or not, it's refreshing to read someone making a coherent model instead of recycling dating app cliches
Interesting post but nothing on how to actually select quality women on the apps and validate they’d be worth investing your time in meeting, which is probably the main issue for a lot of men. There’s a lot of trash out there.
Also asking to kiss someone is absolutely dire, there’s scarcely anything else which is going to dry a women up, just read her body language and go for it if appropriate
I think men fear being too polarizing on dating apps because they forget that there are women out there who actually do have the same special (kinky) interests as them. And you are trying to atract them not just everyone with a vagina. Of course there are women who see a pic of handcuffs and think 'huh, never even considered this option but I am curious'. But the majority of the women who swipe right will be either 'I have tried this and I am in to it' or 'I really want to try this'. And all the women who swipe left because of the handcuffs... Well, would you want to have sex with them if they don't like that part of you? I guess being polarizing is a similar concept as saying "no": it tells me you know what you want and have the confidence to ask for it
I can hardly believe my eyes... A post on dating and male-female relationships... And agree with everything here. I'm not even in that game, just an older man. And eventually you figure out how things work. Past mistakes, successes, lessons learned, observations made. This post is just spot on.
Lol to the Latin at the end
i needed this, I'm now weirdly optimistic about life. your mindset here applies to everything, studies, work, social life, family. I need to start being more intential good things dont fall out of the sky.
If you do enough dating to get “good at dating” then that means you're bad at dating.
I appreciate that this doesn’t romanticize dating.
Outside of the tactics the part that stayed with me was the commitment to observation.
It made me wonder whether the next evolution isn’t collecting more dating experience, but becoming more deliberate about what we’re actually observing before deciding to build with someone.
oh.my.dear.lordy